Canada is a lot like Europe. Each province is a lot like a different major
European country. It becomes obvious if one just looks at them for a
moment:
British Columbia - Italy
Picturesque mountains, great skiing, unbelievable traffic problems, and a
major political scandal every week. Have both elected megalomaniac
leaders determined to wage war upon nations much more powerful than
them, for completely absurd reasons (compare: Benito
Mussolini and Glenn Clark) but needed someone with real power to help
them (compare: Nazi Germany and Ottawa).
Alberta - Germany
A "be self-reliant, hard working and obey the rules-or-else" attitude.
No-nonsense people who have no time for whiners or slackers (see
Quebec/France). Experiments with democracy in both places have led to
the election of fascists (compare: Hitler and Manning). Highest speed limits
on the continent.
Saskatchewan - Ukraine
Miles and miles of flat, flat land covered by wheat. Devastated during the
draught and Russian occupations of the 1930s. Beloved by all, but
considered to be unbelievably boring.
Manitoba - Portugal
You always forget that it even exists until someone mentions it, but it used
to be a really important commercial centre - once.
Ontario - England
Sophisticated, civilized, uptight. The former undisputed master of the land,
now just a place where the bars close too early. Produces the worst wine
on the entire continent. Alternates between nutty, irresponsible socialist
and iron-fisted conservative governments
(compare Thatcher - Blair with Rae - Harris).
Quebec - France
Relaxed attitude towards life and libations, but whines about everything
else. Aren't satisfied with any laws, rules or regulations that more than ten
people can understand or that fewer than a thousand people are needed
to administer. Each accuses the other of not speaking French properly.
Both have language police. Home of internationally renowned, if not
loved cuisine (compare coq au vin and escargots with poutine and Pogos).
They don't like anybody else, and nobody else likes them.
New Brunswick - Switzerland
Bilingual, peaceful, right in the middle of everything geographically, yet
quiet and unobtrusive. Good telephone systems. On the surface, they play
the role of peacemaker, and diplomat, while secretly developing their
sinister plans for world domination.
Nova Scotia - Scotland
Proud, poor, fond of their animals. Have accents tht only barely qualify
them as English speakers. Blame everything bad on Ontario/England.
Prince Edward Island - Monaco
Tiny and out of the way. Nobody can locate it on a map with complete
confidence. A major tourist destination, but no one is really sure if they
actually do anything here. Home to famous princesses (compare:
Princess Grace with Anne of Green Gables).
Newfoundland - Belgium
Funny accents, the butt of almost all national jokes. Everybody likes them,
but laughs at them anyway.