TRUE STATEMENTS

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all
over the world, I can't help but cry.  I mean I'd love to be
skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and
stuff."
--Mariah Carey

Quesion: "If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever."
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest

"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of
the same reactions in the brain as marijuana...The
researchers also discovered other similarities between the
two, but can't remember what they are."
--Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22

"I haven't committed a crime.  What I did was fail to comply
with the law."
--David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations
that he failed to pay his taxes.

"Smoking kills.  If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life."
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson
for a federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my
body."
--Winston Bennett, Univ. of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest
crime rates in the country.
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.

"Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be
discontinued...Reason: it has been reported to our office
that you expired on January 1, 1976."
--Letter from the Illinois Department of Public Aid

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's
history...this century's history....We all lived in the
century.  I didn't live in the century."
--Dan Quayle, then Indiana senator and Republican
vice-presidential candidate during a news conference in
which he was asked his opinion of the Holocaust.

"Rotarians, be patriotic!  Learn to shoot yourself!"
--Chicago Rotary Club journal.

"The streets are safe in Philadelphia.  It's only the people
who make them unsafe."
--Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philly.

"I've always thought that underpopulated countries in
Africa are vastly underpolluted."
--Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank,
explaining why we should export toxic wastes to Third World
countries.

"After finding no qualified candidates for the position of
principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce
the appointment of David Steele to the post."
--Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington,
Rhode Island.

"The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing."
--Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the
head by a ball in the 1934 World Series.